Introspection

Marin got me thinking about labels. We all have our labels. Here are some of mine: I'm a 28 year-old white female with 5 brothers and no sisters, wife to a student and mother of 2.5 children, who knits, sews, makes the occasional greeting card, reads obsessively, grows my own tomatoes, stalks bargains like lions after antelope, can form well-turned similes in coherent sentences, has weak spelling, and has visceral reactions to sharp objects in medical settings. But do any of those actually tell you anything about me? Only if you know where to look.

So let's try this, instead. Strip out all the things I do. "Mom" is what I do, but it's not the sum total of my being. The same goes for knitting and reading, and all the others. It's not a question of what I do, but why.

I like to make things. It's why I knit. It's why I sew. It's why I garden. In all honesty, it's why I have children. (and get your minds out of the gutter, all of you!) I love to see creation in action. I like planning, dreaming, fussing over every detail. And no matter what I create, I put a piece of my soul into it. Sometimes things just don't come out the way I wanted, and sometimes they're perfect. That's part of life, part of the adventure. Starting wouldn't be worth it if I already knew exactly what will happen.

I also tend to choose quiet, meditative activities, things that take time to finish. I tend my plants like I tend my children. I give them the nurturing and support they need but let them decide which trellis to climb. I keep my hands busy, but my mind is free to ponder.

I still like the noise of life, though. I need it to feel alive, but I don't want to be in the very center. I will dive from the side of the pool, but never the high dive. I want to be part of the conversation, even if I only listen. I live my life on the edges.

So, here is my challenge to all of you. Consider your own labels. Most people never see beyond them. Can you? Who are you really? I'd love to find out.