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I wrote the first three all in one sitting. Everything seemed to flow out of me, needing only a little structure for it all to fit together. Since they were understandably depressing, I've chosen to focus on brighter things, today.

I've found I notice so many new details in this quiet new world my brain inhabits. So many things have slowed down, and as they glide past I can't help but see colors and smell scents and feel textures that were only a blur in passing, before. I'm not sure why I was so eager to get on with things, be somewhere else, do something different, before. Now I want to savor every last drop of life. I want to catch it in a jar and breathe it in over and over again.

My closest, most readily available sources of comfort are my children. I cherish my walks to school with Elena, even when it means waking a literal hour before dawn. Six is a fantastic age. She can carry a normal conversation, and her perspective on everything is fascinating. We've even started talking about feelings and the quirks of each other's personalities. I like getting those peeks inside her head. She's still affectionate, but not so smothering, anymore. Even better, she lets me show her the same. I can share my love of reading with her, too, and we've gotten to discuss both Harry Potter and How to Train Your Dragon in the last couple months. (By the way--HtTYD, the movie, is nothing like the book but brilliant on its own merits.) I honestly hope the next few years are like this because I really am enjoying it.

I've discovered a hidden well of patience, with Joseph. I let him run in circles and he happily wears himself out. We hadn't been to a park in a while, with all the weirdness of life, but we're venturing out again. He's got a wonderful imagination. He perches his PlayMobil pirate on top of the Sonic kids meal parrot and they fly around. We laughed forever about that one, a pirate on a parrot's shoulder. The pirate also has a couple of pet dragons (four life-size and realistic-looking toy garden lizards) and they have amazing adventures. Joseph tells some really funny stories, too. They don't make much sense but he laughs so hard through them that it doesn't seem to matter. Now that he's got most of his letters down (uppercase, at least--we're working on the others) I feel like I've got a better handle on how to teach him to read. Elena pretty much taught herself, so I'm kind of new at this.

James is both a solace and a frustration. He's one of the snuggliest two-year-olds you'll ever meet and wants to be on or near me most of the day. If he's not in my arms, he's sitting on my lap. If I'm reading a book, he wants to sit next to me. If I'm cooking, he wants to see what's in the pot. I love having him near, and I love hearing him giggle while we play our little games, whether tickles after diaper changes, peek-a-boo, or his odd silly-face game. We give loads of fives and he's started saying "Bye! See you!" and waving when anyone walks toward the door. I think a few of the See Yous might have been Love Yous, but it's hard to tell. The down side to this is when I reach my limit of being touched and get the Mental Itches, or when he's into everything in the kitchen during dinner prep. Jonathan's usually home during those times, though, and I can pull away into my quiet time with a cutting board and sauce pan.

My calling helps, too. I thought I was called because I felt I had so much to share with the girls, but I really do think the timing is because I needed them around me for this. Both they and the other leaders have been a God-send. They force me to socialize instead of sitting quietly in the back of the room the way I would have if I'd stayed in Relief Society.

Finally, I love this time of year. As beautiful and refreshing as Spring is, as riotous as Summer is, or as magical as real Winter can be, I love the way Fall feels like everything is settling down to rest. It mirrors my favorite time of day, late evening, when everything quiets down, curls up with a good story, and watches the sun set. I love the cloudier days, the nip in the air, that slight drizzle that gets things wet but never soaks, and the crunch of leaves underfoot. I love the smell of woodsmoke and cinnimon, roasted pumpkin seeds and hot bread with soup. Best of all, living in Central Texas means that Fall lasts for months. Sometimes, it'll bypass Winter alltogether and keep going all the way to Spring. Those are my favorite years. I wonder what this year will bring.