Experiment Upon the Sparkly Word

Through a friend, I found a link to the tumblr blog Reasoning With Vampires. It's basically devoted to tearing apart the writing in the Twilight series, one sentence at a time. It got me curious, though. Were the books really so horrifyingly awful in situ as they are when you take them point by point. Obviously I needed to actually read one. I refused to spend a single cent of my own money on it, though, and didn't really want it coming up on my library record, either. (I know, "Who cares?" I do.) So I borrowed a copy from another friend, who'd gotten hers second-hand for $1. Even better.

First of all, may I say, it wasn't awful. How can I say that? Because it's not great literature. "So wait," you say. "It's not awful because it's not great literature? How does that make sense?" Well, there are levels of quality in fiction writing. There's literature, there's novels, and then there's romance novels. Romance novels are not known for great character portraits, thrilling plots, or thought-provoking themes. Mostly, they're about how this one guy is hot for that one girl and the two of them eventually become an item. So, as romance novels go, Twilight isn't awful. (For reference, Highlander Christmas--which is about neither a highlander nor the celebration of Christmas--has the most non-sensical premise I've ever heard of, characters that don't seem to have any reasons for anything they do, a lot of continuity issues, a plot that is utterly absurd, and no known grounding in either reality or fantasy. Oh, and a whole lot of false advertising. You were so right to apologize for that gift, Mom, and it wasn't your fault at all.) I do have a couple of major complaints about Twilight, though.

It was dead boring. Sure stuff happened, but I didn't believe any of it for a second. There was no conflict, no tension. By about 50 pages in, the main "danger" in Bella and Edward's relationship seemed to have been handled and tamed. Everything was fine. No matter what Edward said about how it wasn't safe for her to be near him, everything was cool. It was obvious nothing was going to happen.

On the other side, though, there was a lot of danger in the actual relationship. The back of the book has this quote on it: "About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire." Cool. "Second, there was a part of him--and I didn't know how dominant that part might be--that thirsted for my blood." No problem, it's all under control. "And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him." Danger, Will Robinson!!! I adamantly object to the fact that the author makes it sound like people have no choice in who they love, and that anything is forgivable and can be shrugged off with a simple "but he's pretty" or a "but I love him." No, no, no! And this is what you're telling impressionable teenage girls is the epitome of perfection in a relationship? No! That is just all kinds of wrong, and even more dangerous to their psyches than the normal romance novel. The others might get her knocked up--this might get her killed. Jonathan highly objects to Edward's G-rated sleep-overs, as well. Real teenaged boys do not have that sort of self-control and should never be allowed to test it like that.

I was kind of glad when the psychotic murderer started stalking her (not Edward, despite the evidence) and something finally happened in this book. I was so done with it.

Unfortunately, the damage was done. And there was a teaser at the end of the book. So I read the other three. They were a lot more interesting, with actual plots and conflict, and everything. I can see why people are Team Jacob (though I was kind of leaning toward Team Van Helsing), and I can absolutely empathize with Bella's emotional pain. That's what happens when someone you love breaks your heart, and it really does hurt that bad. Another quote, if I may, one I read long ago: "Of all the agonies of life, that which is most poignant and harrowing--that which for the time annihilates reason and leaves our whole organization one lacerated, mangled heart--is the conviction that we have been deceived where we placed all the trust of love." (--William Henry Bulwer) I'm kind of proud of her for soldiering on, despite how bad she was at it. (Edward's the one who actually curled up in the fetal position.) Still, I'm not really sure that Bella should have ended up with either one of them. And the whole pregnancy-in-a-month thing started messing with my head, making me think I had all those symptoms, which was not even possible. Wait, that was the fourth book. What was in the third? Ah, yes, the blackmail engagement. That was classy. The rest of the book was surprisingly forgettable, considering it was the most "normal" of the series.

In the end, my overall opinion is "meh." They were readable, but I don't think I'll read them again. For better books, try Alex Flinn's modern fairy tale retellings, or the Artemis Fowl action/adventure series. Even The Sisters Grimm were way better than this.

P.S. I forgot to put in there, the first time, that their relationship was so one-dimentional and completely unbelievable in how neatly it all fell together. It was the coat-hanger the story was draped on, but that's about it. Also, Bella is not the protagonist. I'm honestly not sure who is, but it's not Bella. There is zero character development on that girl. She is immature, self-centered and manipulative right up to the moment her heart quits beating--only because she no longer has anything to manipulate anyone into, really. The scary thing about her is that it's subtle. She's not overt in her jerkishness, it's more like she doesn't realize she's doing it. Except that she does know, and does it anyway. And she thinks she's being sooo grown up and reasonable about it.

My, How You Lose Track of Things...

James pushed a button on the keyboard, and now the computer refuses to acknowledge that Linux exists. Because of that, I didn't want to put my pictures on the computer. I hate Windows but put up with it because it lets Jonathan get paid (what idiot designs a website that only works with IE? Payroll, apparently...). And now I can't share all my pictures because, well, I don't have the camera, anymore. That one's a rather involved story that I will not get into, here. We'll just leave it at "we don't have the camera, anymore." Sooooo, here's what I've gleaned off my cell phone.

First off, we moved in March. It was kind of sudden and what was in our price range and fit our requirements landed us in the next ward over. It's an odd adjustment, after nearly 7 years, but we're coming around. Mind you, they're making a new ward in just 2 days, so we might be adjusting again, soon.
Moving meant driving the kids to school every day, too. Not fun, but at least they got to finish out the school year before they had to change that, too. Joseph's birthday was the first day of Summer Break, and it was a good one. We had chocolate cupcakes, presents, and lots of fun inventing a new game called "Warf!" I'm still not sure what the rules are, but they kids still ask for it.



Determined to make the summer both fun and something Jonathan can participate in, too, we have our Calendar O' Summer Fun! We've been to the library's special reading club activities, including meeting some police dogs. We've played at the park. We've even gotten to go on some trips. This is the wheel from the Mormon grist mill in the Marktplatz in Fredricksburg.


We also got to see the new Orion space capsule as it passed through on the way to New Mexico for testing. Joseph got to look at the model of the emergency launch abort system that the tests are for.



Much less fun was Joseph's MRI. Our pediatrician noticed that our boy's got a serious noggin on him--like, nearly adult-sized, and he's just barely 5--and wanted to see if there's anything odd going on in there. This was a real... adventure. It took a half-dozen tries and an extra three hours to get it done because the first two sedatives didn't take and he woke up part-way through the first scan. Why the sedatives? Have you ever tried to get a 5-year-old to lie perfectly still inside a buzzing metal tube for 30 minutes?

That's about it. Here's a bonus picture, to tide you over until the next post, of a roadside dive on the way to Fredricksburg. If I'd had a drink in my mouth, at the time, I'd have snorted it right out my nose.

Self-Imposed Sock (Yarn) Club

I like to read Stephanie Pearl-McPhee's blog. Last year, she looked through her rooms full of yarn and decided that, instead of joining a Sock Club, where someone mails you new yarn and a pattern each month, she would create her own from what she already had. I, myself, have lovely yarns that I never seem to get to because something else screams "Knit me!" So, I did as she did, picked twelve projects and twelve sets of yarn, put them in Ziplocks, and will pull one (possibly at random) each month to work on.


Not all my projects are socks. There are two pairs of gloves and two small shawls in there, but all are made out of sock yarn. Or, at least, fingering weight yarn. Anyway, this is my Self-Imposed Sock (Yarn) Club. I know some of you knit. Would you like to start your own? You can make the rules anything you want, since it's yours.

Onward

Nothing seriously exciting has happened, 'round these parts, but life does continue onward with it's little ups and downs. Here's a sampler of what we've had going on.

Joseph took the over-sized basketball jersey out of his PJ cubby and used it to make what he calls "mine supertape." The supercape helps him fly, apparently, so there's been much jumping off of chairs and the couch. He has also worn said supercape to the dinner table. Twice. Daddy giggles when he does this.

Elena, in a effort to prove she's ready for Harry Potter, picked up Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. She says it's a very silly book. She's also trying to get through Aterix and Obelix and the Normans, but it's been slow going because she keeps asking us to explain the puns.

I vacuumed my PC's processor fan, today. That's a first for me. It's working better now, though, and we'll give it a few more days before deciding if greater measures need to be taken before Conference, this weekend. The mirowave, however, isn't looking any better. The broccoli that whirred away for nearly 15 minutes, in total, and yet was still frozen (!) seems to indicate that I'll have a shopping trip in the somewhat-near future.

We got to ride the MetroRail, last Monday. Honestly, the most stressful part of the whole outing was keeping James under control. That boy has sooooo much energy and prefers to expend it by either a) climbing stuff, or b) running in circles, neither of which is recommended on a crowded commuter train. Other than the Squid-Child, who can wriggle and contort in the most amazing ways when he wants to get loose, our ride was great. People were polite and cheerful, the train was smooth and quiet, the bigger kids had paper pop-up toy versions of MetroRail trains, and the stations were well-designed for efficiency (if not always comfort).

Spring break was a Grand Success with three batches of cookies (and a batch of brownies), the school's playground available during the middle of the day, green pancakes for St. Patrick's, a whole afternoon at Mueller Lake Park, and a pile of movies from the library.

I knit two more pairs of socks, one for Elena and one for James. I've got enough yarn left on both balls for at least another two pair, though one would have to be pretty small.

We finally got to watch UP with the kids. We let them stay up late (since it was Spring Break and all) and it was so much fun watching them watch the movie. They were happy, sad, scared and excited in all the right places. Joseph would get nervous when the dogs came on and even cuddled up next to Jonathan when things got a bit intense.

I'm sure there's more but I can't think of what, right now. I'll try to be back here soon.

Equipment Failure and Injury...

...or so the official results will read.

The main portion was done in only a day and a half. At that point I knew that the amount of yarn I had was not going to cut it. So I went to get some more. Neither the color I had nor the color I wanted was available at any of the 3? 4? stores I went to, so I got a slightly different color and launched into the edging. But I decided to do it the hard way. And forgot that it takes two rows of edging to bind of each of the 224 stitches around the edge. Sigh... While slogging my way through that, Joseph got sick. It was just a fever but one night of ruined sleep can be disastrous to an athlete. Some tree decided to drop all it's pollen on me, too. Three days of vicious sneezing has left my throat raw and prone to breathless coughing bouts. To cap it off, Elena got sent home from school with a fever, on Friday. So, having made it a bare 1/8 of the way around, I've now realized that the original amount of yarn isn't going to cut it, even with the secondary augmentation. As I sit here listening to Canadian rockers belt it out en francais I'm going to have to call this year a bust. I hope London will be better planned, on my part.

A Challenge

A challenge has been laid down and I have decided to take it up. I might be insane, but I really hope not. I will start a knitting project during the Opening Ceremony of the Olympics, and finish it by the time the torch goes out.

Every project I start (minus the innumerable bibs and baby socks) seems to take at least a month to finish, though. This might be because I am not a monogamous knitter and tend to flit between projects like butterflies around a honeysuckle bush, but I refuse to let that stop me here. This is the nature of my personal challenge, after all. So, for the next two weeks I will pour my energy into a specific project, a gift for a good friend. If I manage to finish on time, I'll get my very own gold medal, and the knowledge that, for once, I got it done way ahead of time instead of looking through wrapping paper with one hand and running a hairdryer over the still-slightly-damp just-washed freshly-cast-off project with the other. Let the games begin.

Explore UT

Sorry I've been so slow to update. We've had a lot going on.

A week ago, Saturday was Explore UT. It's a huge open house for the public, especially students (of all ages) to see what sort of things UT has to offer. We started on the South Mall, picking up passports, and stopping to make knights' shields and princess crowns. We saw a bit of Shakespeare (Pyramus & Thisbe!) in the grass of a courtyard, and got to see our names written in a dozen languages from all over the world. We stopped for lunch at the science building, where they were making ice cream instantly, using giant bottles of liquid nitrogen. Inside, we got to look into microscopes and stereoscopes, check out real live crayfish and insects, and learn about germs. Nearby, there was a sand pit for digging up fossils you could keep and take with you. In the anthropology building, we got to see a real human skeleton, and put together a plastic one. Elena listened in awe to explanations of how to tell how old someone is by looking at bones and teeth, wanted to know what every one of the stringy things on the slightly fleshed out skeleton was. She wanted to see all the red and blue lines, follow the green nerve ones, and asked about all of the muscles and tried to read the labels. She stayed and listened another 10-15 minutes beyond when Joseph and Jonathan got bored and wandered off. While we were walking around, outside, we saw miniature trebuchets, about 4 or 5 feet high, launching water ballons at crowds of 8 year olds who were trying to catch them. Over by the engineering building, there were blocks--both wooden, and toddler-sized lego-style--for building towers. Every one had a great time seeing how hight they could go before the wind knocked it down. On the way back to the car, we got to march with the Longhorn Band, which was passing by and playing songs on the way to the tower. We got to sing the "Daddy's Hookin' Horns Spelling Song" and listen to Deep in the Heart of Texas on the steps at the bottom of the main building's plaza. It was a long day, but very exciting, and educationally entertaining.

The Play's The Thing - Adventure #1

We finally got to the first of our adventures for the Summer Adventure Challenge. Last night we went to see Beauty & The Beast at the Zilker Hillside Theater, the 50th annual offering from the Zilker Summer Musical. The play, as always, was free, but they've started charging $3 for parking for big events like this. We parked at the soccer fields across the street because we only had a dollar with us. People show up about 5:30 or 6, so the hillside fills up fast for the 8:30 show. We got there at 8 and joined Stephen, Cynthia and Mackenzie. Our view was partially obscured by the lighting arch, but we were still close enough to gawk at the costume detailing.


The puppetry for the prologue was very inventive--I had wondered how they were going to do that. The flash you see is the old woman tuning into the lovely sourceress.


I loved looking at the costumes (blame the history buff in me), and the most curious thing I noticed is that the play was set a good 50 years before the movie. I haven't seen the Broadway version, so I can't say how this play differs from that one, but our costumes were definitely 50 years before the costumes in the movie. They were still beautiful, and delightfully detailed, though. The wolves were very clever, and my favorite servant was the sugar tongs.


The children were all entranced by the action on stage.


At intermission the cast members come out with donation buckets. It's a fun tradition--everyone loves getting to see a part of the play come out among us, and it gives everyone the chance to contribute what they can to the cause. (For those who are curious, it took $200k to put on this year's production.)


By the end of the play, Joseph had gotten really into it. When Belle left to go help her father, he kept asking "Where'd go, Lella?" I tried to tell him that it wasn't Cinderella, it was Belle, but eventually gave up and told him she went to help her daddy. Then, when the beast and Gaston were fighting, he would gasp and look at me with this funny little fish mouth every time something happened.


It was a late night, the play getting over just after 11. We took naps in the afternoon to get ready, but everyone was still wiped out.


I asked Elena, this morning, how she liked the play, and she said it was good. She liked the songs and the clothes, and thought it was cool that the actors got to play dress-up and pretend to be the people in the story.

Taking The Challenge

Through a... friend of a friend of a friend?... I'm taking up a challenge to get out and do something new. There's plenty of things to do around here, so I want to do Level 2: Road Trip and find five new places to explore. Now to decide what to do.



Both the kids are old enough to have a blast at a zoo, and there are several around, but I think Cameron Park is probably the coolest. We've also been meaning to go to the Wildflower Center and the Bullock museum for years, now, but have never "found the time." Just across the street from the Bullock is the Blanton, and while we have been there, it was before kids and before the new building (which Jonathan hates, from both an architectural and an urban design standpoint, but that's just too bad) so it really is exploring a new place. We could do a festival but I think all the festivals but the ice cream festival (which we were planning on, anyway, and is therefore disqualified) are outside the time frame. Hmm... Well, I guess that means introducing our children to a favorite that we haven't been able to attend in quite a while: the Zilker Summer Musical. Not new for us, but certainly new for the kids, so we'll count it. This year, it's Disney's Beauty & the Beast.

Tune in, throughout the summer, to see how our adventures went. If I come up with more, I'll put them up, too. I invite you all to join the challenge and tell us all about your own adventures.