"...But What Does it Have to do With Flying an Airplane?”

I will not write the post that apologizes for not posting.  You've all read it on a hundred other blogs.  No I haven't blogged.  And I haven't read yours, either.  And that's OK.

With my mood swings getting more jagged, the last couple months, I've retreated more and more.  I made the horrific mistake of trying to read the Hunger Games series during one of these retreats.  Good books, but not for when your mental state is already tippy.  In an effort to keep myself stable, I've pulled back my friendships, too.  Real, tangible friends; on real, tangible outings; with real, "tangible" sunlight; on real, tangible pool water or playgrounds.  Even those aren't that often, but they give me solid ground, both literal and metaphorical, to stand on.  I suppose I've followed President Uchtdorf's advice about throttling back without really even thinking about it.

Strangely enough, my new footing is echoed in the ideas presented here, too.



As part of finding my center, I changed my social behavior.  To give me the foundation of warmth and friendship I need to build myself back up, I rely on live conversations with live people.  The need to edit, to present myself, to find the perfect whatever in the endless PR campaign of blogging and even Facebook, was just too much.  I dropped everything that took more than 30 seconds of planning.

So no, you're not likely to see an uptick in posting.  I am, however, much healthier for it.  And that's what matters.

Backfill

It's been a weird Winter, no weirder for the fact that it's May and it's finally starting to feel like Spring.  It started last October when I got shingles. 

As shingles go, it was an incredibly mild case, just a quarter-sized patch next to my right knee, but my skin felt like I had a particularly obnoxious sunburn for a week or two.  The one time James kicked my rash I curled up and cried for ~5 minutes.  Figuring that this is something that might actually need a doctor's attention I went and looked one up.  It's been a while, so I was a New Patient and I had to wait two weeks.  By then, everything had pretty much cleared up but they did a full check-up.  Including mental health.  By the end of the day I'd already seen a psychologist and had appointments with both a therapist and a psychiatrist. 

I'm usually just fine with being mildly bipolar, but with then-current events compounding things they wanted to let me talk to someone.  I went to therapy every week for months.  I met with the psychiatrist.  I got a prescription that I found out 2 days later I'm not supposed to take.   Well, I can, but Lucy can't, so I can't either.  I talked about what was going on in my life and we discussed somethings that might make things better.  And when my therapist left in March I just never went back.  It felt like all the talking did was either frustrate me because it was only talking and not actually doing anything, or make me feel sad and helpless, which is counter-productive.  It also made me fold up in on myself.  I didn't really talk to anyone else.  I certainly didn't blog.

So why now?  It's Spring.  New starts.  Also, my cat.  And that just cannot be properly covered on Facebook.

I Swear! Other Stuff Happened, Too!

I've been a bit absent, the last couple months.  The late stages of pregnancy will do that.  Things happened, though, I promise.

I planted bulbs, and though only the paperwhites came up they were my favorites anyway.   One of then even bloomed!

We had the usual Easter party at my Mom's.  I missed having Dad there, especially with it being a new house and all.  So much change, but having family together will always be the same.

We colored and hunted our own eggs, at home.

The kids decided to film their own movie, a thrilling adaptation of Little Miss Muffet.  This would be one of the stills from the set.

The Aztex are back!  And we got tickets!  We've been to a couple games and it's always a good time.

We got a car, too.  It is a Mazda5, but not the one from the other post.  For $5k less we got 2 years newer, 50k less miles, leather seats and tinted windows.  Yeah.

A sunflower sprouted up in our back yard, fell over, then produced blossoms all up the length of the stem.  There's probably 100 or more flowers on it.

Joseph turned 6!  He asked for a square cake that was chocolate with chocolate and M&Ms.  He wore his Super Cape to the soccer game, too.

Yes, Lucy came two days later.  Several people asked me when I was due, at church.  I told them "Technically, a week and a half.  In all practicality, any day, now."  I was at that very moment having contractions that never actually went away.  Here she is at home, getting all settled in.

She makes the big kids (all 3 of them!) look enormous.

And finally, today, at about noon, Joseph lost his first tooth.  He's so excited!

Snow Day

There was something about the fresh snow that made me want to work on my photography skills.


It's easy to see ordinary things in a new way when dusted with a fresh layer of snow.


The whole world is ready for a new start.


Even if we've done it before, everything around us is a new discovery.


And then, if we're really ready to enjoy the wonders before us, we ditch the camera, flop down on the ground, and make snow angels in the parking lot...


or grab a laundry hamper lid and go sledding on the hill by the laundry room.








Most of it is already gone, melted by the sun's return. It was a fun morning, worth getting woken up some time before 6am so the superintendent can tell us to sleep in. Only just, though.

The Wedding Trip

What a vacation! It was great to get away and act like newlyweds, again. No kids, no curfews, just us. Wednesday was taken up entirely with flying, laughing at the ill-hemmed tux pants (there is a hilarious difference between inseam and outseam), and my exploring a couple old small towns while Jonathan was off mini-golfing at the bachelor party. Thursday we went to Kirtland (Jonathan had never been, my visit was before all the renovations, over by the Whitney place) before going to the rehersal.


Dinner was at the Dubrovnick Garden Restaurant in the Croatian National Center--which also contained a Croatian language school, a Croatian Heritage Museum and a Croatian Cultural Center. The food was excellent and not Chefed-Up, but not exactly Croatian, for our meal. I'm sure if Craig chose to visit he could get nearly any home-cooked Croatian food he could think of.


Friday, we headed downtown, hoping to catch Renoir and Picasso at the art museum, but they were closed for renovations so we went next door to the Cleveland Institute of Art for an Ansel Adams exhibit. While there, we discovered that another nearby building was designed by Frank Gehry. The pictures you see represent his style fairly well, though I've never seen that done with brick, before. The other side of the building looks more like the top and is covered in titanium scales.



The wedding itself was beautiful. Chrissy is Catholic and the wedding was in her home parish. It wasn't a full mass, but the ceremony was still an hour long. There were readings from scripture, a sermon on the importance of marriage, vows, rings, presentation of the bride and her prayers to the Virgin Mary, and final blessings by the priest. It was my first experience with anything Catholic, so I don't really feel qualified to comment any further than that.



The reception was amazing. The food was spectacular. Jonathan, as best man, gave a nice little speech with his toast about the importance of friendship in marriage. I have to admit I got a bit teary-eyed at that. We ate, we chatted, and we danced the night away. I didn't get pictures of the amazing bathrooms (mini powder rooms in each stall on one side, gold swan-shaped faucets on the sinks on the other, two huge floor-length mirrors draped in flowing purple fabric...) but I did sneak someone in so he could look at it. ;)





I'll admit that I did have baby withdrawal while I was away from my children. Sariah Croft and Enoch Daniels filled in, for me. Even so, it was a bit of a shock to be chucked right back into mom duties when we got back. Thankfully, there hasn't been too much whining yet, and I've been doing fairly well at retaining the hard-won serenity of my time off. As I said, what a vacation!

A Few Days Off

Marin has been in town the last week and we finally found time to hang out, Tuesday night. I'd never realized how much fun Dance Dance Revolution was. So, of course we were up late that night. Then Jonathan and I went to San Antonio Wednesday morning (Elena and Joseph played with Abigail and Blaine at "Auntie" Jessica's house). It's been almost almost a year since we've carved out some temple time (I was 7 months pregnant and all the temple ladies were fluttering around me making sure I'd be OK) and even though I had my own appointment for Thursday evening, Jonathan wanted to come too and Wednesdays are his day off. It was fantastic! The whole city was fogged over and, while the sound of traffic was muffled, you couldn't see anything but yourself and the temple. It was so quiet and serene. Thursday night was just for me, though. Brave Regan took in the kids while Jonathan went to work, and I drove back down to San Antonio to be by myself for a bit. I turned off the radio and let my thoughts roam. I sorted through everything I have to deal with every day. Best of all, I didn't have to be chef, maid, nurse, nanny, referee or security blanket for 5 straight hours. The one thing I miss the very most about when I was working was that I could leave every one of my cares and troubles in my locker and just be me for the duration of my shift. Not having that release has been rough on me, the last six months, and this was the first time I've found a way to replace that feeling. Now if only I can get a sitter that's willing to take us a second time...